15 February 2006
I can take my clothes off, I cannot fall in love.
This winter has been a season of new beginnings.
I've changed a lot even since last month, and I feel like a completely different person than I was last year, before I moved away from home.
I want to be a more confident person, someone who is comfortable with themself and secure in their words, actions, and feelings.
I don't think that I am.
I almost want to tell you I don't want to see you tonight. It almost feels like the right thing to do. I miss you, though, and I want to see you as much as I can, because I love you more than anything right now. I remember what it was like before we were together, when I pined for you like a pathetic little girl. Now that I finally have you in my arms, I don't know what to do. I still can't believe you are really here, and that you love me too. It's still pretty overwhelming, because I am so worried that everything is just going to collapse around me. I am trying so hard to protect myself from being hurt that I think I am forgetting to enjoy this, us, you.
I'm really worried, though, and I am not entirely sure it's unfounded.
I know I'm indecisive and passive and I tease too much. I know that I don't speak up about the things that matter, and I will let myself be uncomfortable for your happiness. I know that I try too hard to make everyone but me happy, and I know that it tends to get on people's nerves, and I worry that it's starting to get on your's. I know that I apologize for everything and it makes my apologies seem insincere, but I mean every single one, even the joking ones.
But I also know that you are too soft-spoken to really make me decide anything, and you want to spend time with me as much as I do you, so you will put up with my stupid little quirks for the time being. I know that you would do whatever I wanted to do, even if you were unhappy, because you're just like me in that way. And I know that you have worries, too, or you wouldn't have that look in your eyes at night, and you wouldn't sigh like that, and you would look me in the eye always.
I wonder if we've both been hurt too much too recently for this to work. I wonder if you've loved me as long as I've loved you. I wonder if you worry about the same things as me, or if there are other worries that I have yet to realize.
But this can't end. This is all too perfect, we're too perfect. You've said it yourself.
I love you so much and I never want to lose you and I hope that all my fears are in vain.
I've changed a lot even since last month, and I feel like a completely different person than I was last year, before I moved away from home.
I want to be a more confident person, someone who is comfortable with themself and secure in their words, actions, and feelings.
I don't think that I am.
I almost want to tell you I don't want to see you tonight. It almost feels like the right thing to do. I miss you, though, and I want to see you as much as I can, because I love you more than anything right now. I remember what it was like before we were together, when I pined for you like a pathetic little girl. Now that I finally have you in my arms, I don't know what to do. I still can't believe you are really here, and that you love me too. It's still pretty overwhelming, because I am so worried that everything is just going to collapse around me. I am trying so hard to protect myself from being hurt that I think I am forgetting to enjoy this, us, you.
I'm really worried, though, and I am not entirely sure it's unfounded.
I know I'm indecisive and passive and I tease too much. I know that I don't speak up about the things that matter, and I will let myself be uncomfortable for your happiness. I know that I try too hard to make everyone but me happy, and I know that it tends to get on people's nerves, and I worry that it's starting to get on your's. I know that I apologize for everything and it makes my apologies seem insincere, but I mean every single one, even the joking ones.
But I also know that you are too soft-spoken to really make me decide anything, and you want to spend time with me as much as I do you, so you will put up with my stupid little quirks for the time being. I know that you would do whatever I wanted to do, even if you were unhappy, because you're just like me in that way. And I know that you have worries, too, or you wouldn't have that look in your eyes at night, and you wouldn't sigh like that, and you would look me in the eye always.
I wonder if we've both been hurt too much too recently for this to work. I wonder if you've loved me as long as I've loved you. I wonder if you worry about the same things as me, or if there are other worries that I have yet to realize.
But this can't end. This is all too perfect, we're too perfect. You've said it yourself.
I love you so much and I never want to lose you and I hope that all my fears are in vain.
// posted by Liz @ 17:34 
