02 January 2006
But you don't know what now to do, because the chase is all you knew, and she stopped running months ago.
This isn't how it was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be like a fairy tale, an "I love you, you love me, let's be happy" sort of deal. But this, this is difficult. It's not supposed to be difficult. It's not supposed to be stressful. It's supposed to be easy. Complications in the process make it so hard to proceed. Damn these other people we know. First that kid went and messed things up while I was away. I am still mad at him about that. Nothing ever came of his "help", it was pointless and mean, in my opinion. Now this. I don't know the whole story, and I am almost glad. It scares me. Things are going so well. The last few weeks have been, well, downright incredible. I think we both know, we're just afraid to say, which is sad. It doesn't need to happen like this, though. We don't need this drama.
I am afraid, though. I've spent a long time chasing after love I could never have, in various places. At first I thought it was alright, but the last time was horrible. I was living a lie, and the other boy was just my longing for someone who really would love me, but I knew nothing would ever come of that. Now there's you. You're one of my best friends. I don't want things to change, not for something like this. I've spent years chasing, and it truly is all I know. It feels like this chase is coming to an end. I am scared. I'm afraid of the beginning. The awkward, youthful bit where everything is new. I'm afraid of the middle. When we are in love and happy and nothing can change that. I am afraid of the end. A time of anger, tears, and fury. I'm afraid to be loved, because I don't remember what it feels like. I'm not ready for this, I know. I want it so badly, but I'm not ready.
This year is going to be amazingly fantastic.
I am afraid, though. I've spent a long time chasing after love I could never have, in various places. At first I thought it was alright, but the last time was horrible. I was living a lie, and the other boy was just my longing for someone who really would love me, but I knew nothing would ever come of that. Now there's you. You're one of my best friends. I don't want things to change, not for something like this. I've spent years chasing, and it truly is all I know. It feels like this chase is coming to an end. I am scared. I'm afraid of the beginning. The awkward, youthful bit where everything is new. I'm afraid of the middle. When we are in love and happy and nothing can change that. I am afraid of the end. A time of anger, tears, and fury. I'm afraid to be loved, because I don't remember what it feels like. I'm not ready for this, I know. I want it so badly, but I'm not ready.
This year is going to be amazingly fantastic.
// posted by Liz @ 23:36 
