28 December 2005
Looking into your eyes
I have always known that I'm prone to depression, and that I have mood swings and some kind of anxiety issue. It still surprises me sometimes, though.
Everything is going really well. Sure, I've been set back a little in my plans, but it wasn't anything too terrible. I will just have to live in a sucky situation for a little longer. I need a new mode of transportation, and I need to save up a little more money than I had originally planned.
Despite this, I've not been this happy in years. I still have doubts about some things, and feel like I something is hiding and it can't be going as well as it seems. It feels like I should hate my job, but I don't really. It is getting worse, but I still like it. I had a break for a little while, and it cleared my perspective on a lot of things. Visiting home was just as stressful as I'd thought it would be, maybe even more so in the end, but it was helpful as well. I just never want to do it again.
On another note, it seems like I have a lot of friends in my new home. One in particular, I am really glad to have. It seems like he likes me as more than a friend, also, but I can't stop myself from assuming he doesn't. I don't want to be disappointed, as I have been in the past. It feels right, but I don't want there to be a misunderstanding. So I will just sit in my corner and wonder, wishing and hoping like a fool that he loved me like I love him, never knowing the truth because if he does like me, we are both to shy to come out and say it.
I wish I didn't have a cold, because then I am sure I would be with him right now. I miss him.
Everything is going really well. Sure, I've been set back a little in my plans, but it wasn't anything too terrible. I will just have to live in a sucky situation for a little longer. I need a new mode of transportation, and I need to save up a little more money than I had originally planned.
Despite this, I've not been this happy in years. I still have doubts about some things, and feel like I something is hiding and it can't be going as well as it seems. It feels like I should hate my job, but I don't really. It is getting worse, but I still like it. I had a break for a little while, and it cleared my perspective on a lot of things. Visiting home was just as stressful as I'd thought it would be, maybe even more so in the end, but it was helpful as well. I just never want to do it again.
On another note, it seems like I have a lot of friends in my new home. One in particular, I am really glad to have. It seems like he likes me as more than a friend, also, but I can't stop myself from assuming he doesn't. I don't want to be disappointed, as I have been in the past. It feels right, but I don't want there to be a misunderstanding. So I will just sit in my corner and wonder, wishing and hoping like a fool that he loved me like I love him, never knowing the truth because if he does like me, we are both to shy to come out and say it.
I wish I didn't have a cold, because then I am sure I would be with him right now. I miss him.
// posted by Liz @ 22:09 
