30 November 2005
They only want you when you're seventeen, when you're twenty-one, you're no fun.
Sometimes I forget that I'm so young. It seems like I've done so much, when I really have not. It feels like I've learned so much, which is possible. It feels like I've lived so much, when I really, really have not. It's really difficult to remember that I am so young, because I usually feel I need to act so very adult and mature.
I'm afraid to visit my home. It's coming up so quickly, and I'm not sure I'm ready. Those streets, those houses, those memories. I haven't thought about it for months, and suddenly it's about to be in my face again. I have a week to prepare myself for a flood of emotion. The sadness of seeing all the places where we walked, where we talked, where we kissed. The places where I grew up, places I have so many memories, fond and otherwise. The tough part is going to be escaping. If it's too much for me to handle, there's no where for me to go. I never had a quiet place I could go when I was feeling sad, or lonely. Maybe that's part of what made it so difficult.
I just realized, as I looked at a picture of the two of them together, just what makes me so jealous. It was never like that between us. He was never that happy with me. You can see it in his face.
I'm afraid to visit my home. It's coming up so quickly, and I'm not sure I'm ready. Those streets, those houses, those memories. I haven't thought about it for months, and suddenly it's about to be in my face again. I have a week to prepare myself for a flood of emotion. The sadness of seeing all the places where we walked, where we talked, where we kissed. The places where I grew up, places I have so many memories, fond and otherwise. The tough part is going to be escaping. If it's too much for me to handle, there's no where for me to go. I never had a quiet place I could go when I was feeling sad, or lonely. Maybe that's part of what made it so difficult.
I just realized, as I looked at a picture of the two of them together, just what makes me so jealous. It was never like that between us. He was never that happy with me. You can see it in his face.
// posted by Liz @ 23:19 
