24 November 2005
I push, I pull, the days go slow into a void we filled with death.
It's difficult to keep to myself lately. I've just started opening up to all the people I met months ago, and it's really difficult for me. I am slowly telling them about my life, my family, how I grew up. I don't know what they think of me, and that's the hardest part. I wish I could always know things like that, but I can't.
I've been talking a lot to someone I just met. I've been telling them things, more than I've told anyone else. I don't know why I trust them, but I do. It's crazy. I've already told about my secret crushes. Already, I don't even know why I did it. It comes up in conversation I guess, and I guess no one else has asked. I suppose if someone else asked me, I would tell. I'm honest, and I know that when asked straight up there is no way for me to hide the truth. I am a bad liar, but I am good at hiding. I asked, though, when I told them about it, and they said they wouldn't have guessed just regular. I suppose I'm glad for that.
It's just so hard. The last couple of days have been really difficult.
I look at him and we both laugh. About nothing, even. It's crazy. I met him somewhere a few nights ago, and when I showed up he beamed. Really, he looked so happy. I've been seeing a lot of him, and I talk to him all the time.
It's tough when there are other girls, and everything seems so utterly unattainable, in every situation.
I've been talking a lot to someone I just met. I've been telling them things, more than I've told anyone else. I don't know why I trust them, but I do. It's crazy. I've already told about my secret crushes. Already, I don't even know why I did it. It comes up in conversation I guess, and I guess no one else has asked. I suppose if someone else asked me, I would tell. I'm honest, and I know that when asked straight up there is no way for me to hide the truth. I am a bad liar, but I am good at hiding. I asked, though, when I told them about it, and they said they wouldn't have guessed just regular. I suppose I'm glad for that.
It's just so hard. The last couple of days have been really difficult.
I look at him and we both laugh. About nothing, even. It's crazy. I met him somewhere a few nights ago, and when I showed up he beamed. Really, he looked so happy. I've been seeing a lot of him, and I talk to him all the time.
It's tough when there are other girls, and everything seems so utterly unattainable, in every situation.
// posted by Liz @ 00:49 
